Published in Montana Senior News, June/July, 2016, is the following story I wrote in February, 2015.

TODAY I FLY!

Today's the day.  I jump into my car.  I'm free!

Down alley, left to Main.  No cars.  I turn right, then right again at the blinking light, down the hill.  Slowly, I keep at 25 mph.  I want to fly!  No.  Not yet, not yet.

The sun, still low in the sky, hits me on the left.  Feels good.

I cross the river and enter the first curve.  Years back, the road twists and turns.  It would be so easy to miss a bend, fly across a fence, a pasture.  Now my path cuts through hillsides.

Without thinking, I push the radio "on" button.  A blast of static assails.  Oops.  I haven't yet crossed the Divide where Montana Public Radio kicks in.

The road gently inclines.  I consider my long, productive life, achievements undisputed.  A strict, stifled upbringing leads to a failed marriage but, out of that, comes a daughter with whom I now share my home.  The death of my second husband four years ago precipitates my move to Montana.  Adjustments haven't been easy.  Now at 74, I've questioned my worth many times.  But today?  Today I fly!

Slowly I reach the peak.  At the Divide, a railroad trestle spans the highest point in the mountains.  Over the edge, cliffs are steep, jagged.  Valleys below are rolling, uneven.  What if I gunned the motor, heading straight instead of curving with the road?  Just let myself go, relax into the air, gravity carrying me downward?  No, no.  Not here. Not yet.

Again I push the radio button.  It's MTPR's "Performance Today".  Strauss from Carnegie Hall flows around, through me, providing calm to taut nerves.  What will be my performance today?

Memories flood in.  A school teacher, a doctoral degree, a school principal.  How else to move up in the 1970's than to have more credentials than male counterparts?

A new love, a move to Florida, a consulting venture.  I love the work but not clawing to the top.  A better fit is serving as a Peace Corps Volunteer with my husband in Bulgaria for two years after retirement.  Adjusting to newness of country, language, food, traditions, is a challenge we meet with flying colors.

I'm good at adjusting to change, overcoming barriers.  I've done it many times.  There's been so much to live for.

After relocation and my husband's death, I adapt.  The long-distance move to my daughter's is part of that flexibility.  But now, approaching old age, I must again create something new.

It's been difficult.  One step forward, two steps back.  Where am I now?

I have read statistics on suicides in the West, far higher than in the rest of the nation.  Montana is ranked third nationally.  Will I be considered one of those statistics?  No matter.  I know what I have to do.

Through prairie land, intermittent hills along stretches of ribbon highway, I spy clouds of rising smoke signaling my arrival into the city.  I make a right turn at the blinking light and another further on.  I begin my ascent up the long, steep rise.  Approaching the summit, I see on my left a sign for Swords Park, a walking path follows the top of the stone rims forming the city's northern boundary.  Located many feet below is the city center shaped by the rims into a bowl.

I often wonder what it would be like to walk this path.  Can I take that walk now?  No guard rails, no fences, nothing to impede a stumble and fall into the abyss.  No surrounding mantle of metal to keep a body from feeling the full impact of bones against rock.

A slight movement to the right of my windshield draws my attention -- an orange color, waving in the wind.  Oh, yes.  I pull right into the drive, pass several buildings before arriving at the door of the last one.  I climb from my car just as a tall, lanky fellow steps out, sees me and grins.

"Hey," he calls.  "Right on time.  Are you nervous?" he asks, heading my way.

"Are you kidding?!  I'm scared silly!  My whole life has passed before my eyes.  But, hey, this is my first tandem skydive.  Today I fly!"  

A MOMENTOUS CHANGE

A microcosm, my personal life mirrors the larger political changes in our country.  What is going on?  Hillary Rodham Clinton is the first woman ever to be elected as Presidential Candidate of a major political party.  It becomes more than probable that she will be our next President of the United States.  How does that affect me?

1.  About Hillary's candidacy, people say, "Enough of male-only leadership.  Forget what has always been.  Let's look seriously at width and depth of experience, a female outlook, wisdom-with-age and see where that can take us."
     My personal life:  I sell my house to my daughter (she's been staying with me off and on over the past four years).  Closing on my house is July 7.  My past tells me I must follow tradition, do what has already worked.  Buy another home, grow more roots, stay close to home and family.  This time, however, my path is not so clear.  What do I want to do with the rest of my life?  Do I really want another home which requires time and resources to maintain and which also keeps me staying in one place?  Why not invest that time and money in my life?  Take the focus off a house, put it on me, see where it can take me?

2.  About Hillary's candidacy, people say, "We need no longer be tethered to a tired, old idea.  We have the ability now to experiment and succeed with a female leader as many other countries have already done.  Consider Indira Gandhi of India; Golda Meir of Israel; Margaret Thatcher of the United Kingdom; Benazir Bhutto of Pakistan; Angela Merkel of Germany; and Aung San Suu Kyi of Myanmar.  These are only six out of a list of more than 25 female leaders of countries.  (Wikipedia)
     My personal life:  I would like not to be tethered to a house.  Instead, I would like to fly, to experiment, to meet people who may be more like me -- whatever that looks like.  Or to meet people who look nothing like me, speak another language, practice different traditions, eat different foods.

3.  About Hillary's candidacy, people say, "These years can be a learning experiment.  See what women like Hillary can do -- success will be hers.  Imagine the role model she will serve for young girls and women."
     My personal life:  I want the last years of my life to be a learning experiment.  What am I capable of doing?  What risks am I willing to take?  Can I make my life exciting again by learning something new while still taking care of myself?  Can I be a success in my own eyes?

My developing plan:

• Rent a small apartment in our nearby city for six months.  See what I can do.  It allows for time and space to see what I really want.  It's a tentative step towards independence, totally on my own since before marriage and no family living with me.
• Will learning to do for myself be enough?  Regular healthcare is nearby.  Commitments to work on current projects here will continue on a weekly basis.  [My candidacy, however, effectively ends when leaving this District.]  Will I also be able to join in with other interesting groups in the city, like a writing group, a dancing group?  Will I become part of smaller communities within a larger community?
• Once I'm free to leave at the end of this six months, will I want to leave?  Will I want to live somewhere else?  Will I still want to experiment, to take risks, to live in another country, speak another language?  Will I have an interest in learning another language during these six months -- to prepare for living in another country?  Or will I decide that living alone in the city is enough?
• Will the first-ever check I receive last week from Montana Senior News for a story I'd written ("Today I Fly") be enough motivation to keep me writing?  To spread my wings through writing so there is no need to go someplace else?  Or will my need to risk and write be the way to go? 
• I want to write.  I want to take risks.   Is this the combination that will make my writing a success, particularly at my age?  Are these the kinds of stories that will motivate others to also take risks in their later years?  The tendency as I get older is to stay comfortable.  I get used to a routine that seems safe but doesn't allow for much excitement in life, or to generate much new learning.  It, instead, allows for my becoming stale, uninteresting, lacking new ideas or freshness.  How to avoid that?  Not sure.  
•  Do I need to be physically moving?  Can I be the one experiencing all the new and the risky and then writing about it?  Can I experience it living in one place or must I go out of my comfort zone in order to write about it? 
• That's what I'm hoping these next six months will tell me.

With Hillary's long journey and many successes along the way, will she be able to achieve her goal of the Presidency?  There's no question that she is ready.  There's no question that she has the ability and experience.  There's no question that she is a positive influence on the rest of us who struggle to achieve our own goals.

What is Hillary's impact?  She shows us how to shoot for the stars.  When she gets knocked down, she jumps back up.  Not once, not even twice, but over and over again.  She is persistent; she never gives up.  "Keep working toward your goals," she models.  And if I don't meet my goals?  Maybe, just maybe, merely trying for them will create a heck of a ride!