A Cook Isn't Really a Cook when...

1.  She sees a new recipe on the web, reads it, pronounces it special and decides to make it for the family holiday meal.  Ingredients like shallots and Guyere cheese sound intriguing.  No matter that her daughter tells her she dislikes Brussels sprouts.  Of course, she'll like it.  After all, the recipe testimonial says she's not crazy for Brussels sprouts either but she really likes this recipe!

2.  She will brook no substitutes for any ingredients in the recipe -- none!  Like "thick, sliced bacon"?  No turkey bacon from the fridge for this recipe; it's too thin, too fat-less.  Like shallots?  She has regular white onions in her crisper drawer in the fridge.  Nope.  Got to go to the grocery store, ask the clerk what shallots are, then be led over near the squash, and get educated on the taste of shallots.  Like Guyere cheese?  Never heard of that.  She's got some yellow cheddar cheese.  That will not do, not exotic enough.  She can hunt for Guyere cheese in the dairy display at the store.  Last but not least, Kosher salt and freshly ground black papper?  She spends at least 15 minutes in the spice aisle looking first for Kosher salt (gets the last one) and then across to the opposite side of the store to the "gadget shelf" across from the pharmacy.  "That's where the pepper grinders are," says the clerk.  Luckily, it's already filled with black pepper.

3.  She gets ready the next morning by pulling out all the equipment she will need, taking up all available work space on the counter.  Pans; bowls; knives; measuring cups (one for flour, one for milk); cutting boards (one for bacon, one for shallots); mixing spoons; and a bouillon cube to make chicken broth.

4.  She measures her flour by shaking the newly-open flour bag over her measuring cup.  Luckily, it is over the sink that she does this, although a little mound of white stuff does end up on the floor by her foot.

5.  She isn't sure what it means to "blanch the sprouts".  However, when she follows instructions to drop sprouts into medium-boiling salt water for 3 to 7 minutes, the sprouts turn more white and she understands:  blanch means "to whiten".

6.  She envisions in her mind that she'll brag to family today about creating this delicious dish with all its complexities.

7.  She pulls out the bubbly, cheesy, concoction from the oven at the ringing of the timer and renders it done!  Perfecto!  Only it does look a little flat.  As she glances around, near the sink she sees a bowl of cut-up shallots.  Can she save the recipe?  Of course.  Add the shallots to the top and reheat at daughter's house.  Son-in-law pronounces it good!  Cook pronounces it good!  Daughter gags, poor thing.  Next time, believe her when she says she doesn't like Brussels sprouts!